


given you a number, taken away your name

by janonny



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Iron Man 2, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Humor, Identity Porn, M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22463995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janonny/pseuds/janonny
Summary: As Tony behaves more erratically, S.H.I.E.L.D. sends in Steve as an undercover agent in S.I. to be Natasha’s back-up. Except Steve is really, really not cut out for this undercover business.-Before the lift’s doors closed, Stark suddenly grinned and said, “Call me Tony. Have a better rest of the day, big guy.”Awkwardly, Steve lifted his free hand and waved as the doors slid shut between them.What...what was he doing? Why was he waving? Steve hurriedly put his hand down and turned around sharply.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 45
Kudos: 555
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	given you a number, taken away your name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [XxWanderlustxX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxWanderlustxX/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [XxWanderlustxX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxWanderlustxX/pseuds/XxWanderlustxX) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> Set during Iron Man 2 and written for the prompt: _Identity Porn_
> 
> A billion thank yous to [Coaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaster) who managed to beta read this and wrangle my wild commas even though I handed it to her so very close to the deadline. I love you 3000! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😚
> 
> Title of the fic is from the song Secret Agent Man because why not. xD

Steve was pretty sure his shirt was a size too small, the seams of his sleeves constantly at risk every time he bent his elbows. And his pants were so tight that he couldn’t stay seated for too long. He really needed to speak to Coulson about the sizing of the clothes; there had to be something wrong with them. 

It was a relief for him to go on a coffee break, to be able to stretch his legs and head to the ground floor cafe for a much needed walk away from his desk. But since he was still new on the job, and he couldn’t afford to lose this cover at S.I., he decided to bring his coffee back to his desk rather than be gone for too long. The aroma of coffee was strong in the hot steam rising up from the hole in the lid. He had asked for his coffee to be extra hot, having gotten used to the taste of burnt coffee from his time in the army. 

Steve got into the lift with several other S.I. employees all shuffling in. Most of them got off on Level 14, leaving Steve and one other person in the lift. Steve glanced over and startled badly to find Tony Stark staring right at him. Those dark brown eyes gave him a slow once over, dark lashes lowering as his gaze swept down and then up again. 

Steve was suddenly painfully aware that Tony Stark was a hell of a lot more attractive in real life compared to the dozen of photos in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s dossier.

Don’t blush, don’t blush, oh no, curse his pale complexion. 

Then he startled again as his hand and the front of his shirt were suddenly drenched in scalding hot liquid. 

“Fuck,” Steve swore, looking down at the coffee cup he had unintentionally crumpled in his surprise and spike of anxiety. Most of the coffee had spilled out of the cup and gotten all over his hand as well as his shirt from where the cup had been held close to his body. 

“Are you alright?” And all of a sudden, Stark was right there in his personal space, hands reaching out but pausing as if unsure what to do. “Damn, are you burned?”

Steve said quickly, “No, I’m— I’m fine, really.”

Other than his pride, which might never recover again. 

Stark’s eyebrows went up in disbelief. “That coffee looked like it was steaming hot. Look, tough guy, there’s a sickbay, we can— Huh. I could have sworn your skin looked red earlier.”

And he probably was right: Steve probably had burned himself. But his superserum healing handled minor burns like that in less than a minute. Other than the sticky residue leftover from the spilled coffee, his skin was fine again, and whatever redness resulting from the heat was already gone.

“Oh, it wasn’t that hot. I’m fine, probably just a trick of the light,” Steve said, wishing he sounded more convincing when he was lying. 

Stark lightly touched Steve’s hand with two fingers, which really, it was just two fingers, why was Steve holding his breath? “Hmm… If you say so.” Those dark eyes were so intense when they looked up at Steve that it was hard for Steve to remember to breathe again. Then Stark continued, “But your shirt is all ruined anyway. I don’t think you can go back to work like this.”

“I’ve got a spare shirt in my gym bag,” Steve said quickly. “I can get back to work, Mister Stark, don’t worry.”

“Well, aren’t you the boyscout,” Stark murmured. 

Steve realized the lift’s doors had opened while they had been talking and it was about to shut again before he noticed that they were on level 35, his floor. Scuttling sideways to avoid touching Stark with his dirty shirt, Steve quickly held the doors and stepped out. “Sorry about the mess, Mister Stark. I’ll let someone know and help clean up.” 

Steve stood outside the lift like an idiot, staring back at Stark.

God, this was so embarrassing. He had met Tony Stark, spilled coffee all over himself like a clumsy oaf, and now he was going to walk back to his desk covered in coffee. Steve resigned himself to being the butt of everyone’s jokes for a week at least. 

Before the lift’s doors closed, Stark suddenly grinned and said, “Call me Tony. Have a better rest of the day, big guy.”

Awkwardly, Steve lifted his free hand and waved as the doors slid shut between them. 

What...what was he doing? Why was he waving? Steve hurriedly put his hand down and turned around sharply. 

It was unlikely Steve was going to be calling Tony by his first name. He wasn’t meant to be meeting Tony Stark at all. That was Nat’s job. He was just here as her backup. 

Sighing, Steve headed back to his desk. Time to get back to being a mild-mannered illustrator in the advertising department. 

# # #

“You made one hell of an impression,” Nat said with a smirk. 

Steve frowned up at her from where he was writing today’s report. “What do you mean?”

“You met Tony Stark today,” Nat continued. “What did you say to him?”

Wincing, Steve said in a wry tone, “‘Mister Stark, please ignore my existence while I spill coffee all over myself.’”

“Must have been one hell of a coffee spillage,” Nat laughed. 

“It was mostly embarrassing. How did you find out that I met him today?” Steve asked with a frown.

Nat’s smile was razor-sharp with amusement. “Well, when Pepper introduced me to him, he barely glanced at me. He was too busy grilling Pepper about this hot blond hunk of a new hire in the advertising department.”

Steve’s eyes widened before he blinked rapidly. 

Patting him on his shoulder, Nat suggested, “Maybe I’ll be your backup instead, hm?”

# # #

With Nat left in Legal working closely with Miss Potts instead since Tony hadn’t taken the honeypot bait, they were reduced to old fashioned snooping to find out the reasons behind Tony’s recent erratic behavior. Donating away his entire modern art collection, making Pepper CEO with little preparation… It all spoke of something else going on behind the scenes. 

Somehow, Nat had been able to get the access codes to Tony’s office, but she was too caught up with the work Miss Potts had her doing, so Steve had to go in her place. Steve wasn’t keen because while he was good at frontal attacks and military strategy, spywork and sneaking around wasn’t his strong point at all. But needs must. 

It turned out to be all for nothing anyway. Tony’s office was located right at the very top of the Stark Skyscraper, the S.I. office building in Malibu, and it was almost completely bare. The Stark Skyscraper narrowed the higher up it went and so his single office wasn’t humongous, but it was the only office on the whole floor, which made sneaking in not too hard since there wasn’t anyone there to catch him. Tony was at the Grand Prix right now, with his driver Happy Hogan and his new CEO, Virginia Potts.

Looking around the bland office, Steve would think that Tony had cleared out the space for Miss Potts to eventually move in as CEO, except he could still see a few personal artifacts here and there that clearly belonged to Tony. There was a family photo of Howard and Maria Stark with a very young Tony by his mother’s side. There was a doodle on a notepad of something that was far too technical for Steve to understand. 

But otherwise, the place was mostly empty except for a document cabinet filled with knick knacks instead of files and an old table that, based on the plaque on its side, was a model of the 1974 Stark Expo. 

It was pretty obvious that Tony didn’t spend much time in his office at all. 

Not finding anything of use and mindful of other people who might have reasons to come up to the office, Steve stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. It automatically locked behind him. Steve walked the short corridor towards the lift and hit the down button. 

When the lift arrived, the doors opened to reveal Tony Stark, eyebrows shooting up and eyes widening. 

“What are you doing here?” Tony asked immediately. 

“Uhhhh…” Steve started, and grasped at the first thing that came to mind. “I got lost.”

Tony looked at him, looked at the only office door on this whole floor, and looked back at Steve. “How did you get lost?”

Oh god, that was really the stupidest answer he could have given. Steve tried, “I have a very bad sense of direction?”

To Steve’s surprise, there was a smile on Tony’s lips and amusement clear in his eyes even as he shook his head. Tony asked, “So where were you trying to get to then?”

What a great question. If only Steve actually had a good answer for that. “The...printer room?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s still on your same floor, buddy,” Tony said with a cough, trying to hide his laughter but doing a poor job of it.

“Yes, right, I’ll just...go,” Steve said in a bit of a daze. Then he blurted out, “I thought I saw in the news that you were going to be at the Grand Prix?”

“I thought there were more interesting things closer to home base this year,” Tony said, his voice flippant, but his gaze dark and serious.

Steve nodded like that made any sense at all to him and fled into the lift after Tony stepped out.

# # #

With the failed attempt at snooping, Steve was relegated back to sitting tight and maintaining his cover while Nat stepped up her attempt to figure out what was going on with Tony.

So it really was completely coincidental that Steve got involved in Tony’s affairs again. 

He had gone to the lobby for his usual coffee break and was in the queue when he spotted Tony walking in through the front door carrying a silver suitcase. At first, Steve wanted to duck his head and avoid being seen after the last two disastrous encounters.

Except Steve noticed unusual movements behind Tony; a man wearing some strange pack around his torso was roughly shoving a woman aside as he stormed into the lobby close on Tony’s heels. 

“Tony, look out!” Steve called out instinctively. 

Tony turned at that warning and immediately ducked away from where an electric whip cracked with shocking loudness against the glossy stone floor. The flooring cracked and shattered under the whip, which didn’t bode well for everyone in the vicinity. That weapon could easily kill someone. 

“Get away, quick, try to find another exit,” Steve directed the people he was in line with at the cafe. “All of you, go! Head to the back.”

They were civilians so there was naturally some panicked shouts and confusion at first, but they started moving, which was good enough for Steve. 

Tony had managed to hide behind a wide pillar and the bulky briefcase he had been holding earlier was open on the floor beside him. 

Tony’s dossier said all kinds of things about Iron Man, but it hadn’t said that Tony had somehow managed to put together a portable Iron Man suit, compact enough to fit into a suitcase and with some kind of auto suiting up capability. Tony was putting all this to good use now, the armor unfolding quickly from the suitcase. 

But he was running out of time. The guy with the electrical whips was just about to round the pillar and Tony’s armor was still unfolding across his torso. 

There was only one option left. Steve threw himself at the Whip Guy. 

With so many potential witnesses still around, Steve couldn’t possibly take the guy down with a single roundhouse kick. He tried to make it look instead like he had recklessly flung himself at the attacker and was trying to grapple with him. Between their bodies, no one could see him rabbit punch the pack on the guy’s torso, hoping to disable it since Steve was sure the whips were connected to it somehow. The guy tried to bring his whip down on him, but Steve grabbed his wrist, squeezing it. Whip Guy’s eyes widened as his bones ground together, and he released the whip in his hand. 

Then Steve saw the familiar red and gold Iron Man suit stride around the pillar and Steve quickly released his hold on the other guy. He saw the headbutt coming, could have easily dodged it completely. 

But regular office worker Steve Ranger probably couldn’t, so all Steve did was turn his head, hiding it as an instinctive flinch. Steve took a hard skull full on to the side of his face. He had avoided getting his nose broken, mostly because he didn’t want to deal with a nosebleed right now. But he still felt an explosion of pain around his left eye. Steve didn’t even have to fake stumbling back and clutching at his face with one hand.

Before the Whip Guy could attack him with his remaining whip, Tony was on him, grabbing the whip straight on with his gauntlet, ignoring the surges of electric shock and blasting the guy with a repulsor from his other palm. 

It was the work of a few seconds to completely disable the attacker’s weapons and then have security restrain him. 

Tony clomped over to Steve quickly, faceplate raised. “Are you okay?”

Steve was standing there awkwardly, hand over half his eye because he thought that would convincingly portray a normal human being hurt. The pain was already fading with Steve’s superserum at work. 

“I’m fine, you should‘ve seen the other guy,” Steve joked, a little lamely. 

Tony reached up and touched Steve’s wrist. The metal gauntlet curling around his wrist was surprisingly gentle as Tony carefully pulled his hand down. For all the destructive power behind the Iron Man suit, it could be wielded with a shocking level of delicacy and restraint. 

Tony peered at Steve’s eye, hissing with sympathy. “Ooh, it’s quite the shiner already. That’s fast.”

Yeah, that was the superserum, speeding through all the stages of healing. 

For some reason, Tony’s close proximity, the way he looked at Steve with worry, the way Steve could practically count his ridiculous lower lashes…

It was making the back of Steve’s neck heat up. He ignored it to mumble, “It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

Tony blinked slowly. “You’re used to getting black eyes?” Then his surprised expression shifted into a worried frown. “Steve, what’s your situation at home? I’ve got a lot of resources, if you tell me what’s going on, I can help you.”

On one hand, Tony’s warm concern was so sweet, Steve felt like he was melting on the inside, like gooey caramel on a hot day. On the other hand, now Tony had the completely wrong idea and Steve felt like the worst scum to have that level of misplaced concern directed at him. 

Steve tugged his hand free of Tony’s gentle hold and shook his head. “No, no, I’m really fine. Sorry for the confusion. Your head of security looks like he’s looking for you, you might want to talk to him.”

Before Tony could say another word, Steve walked away quickly, forcing himself not to look back. 

What a mess. His report for S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to be such a pain to write. 

# # #

Steve blinked, holding his coffee in front of him like it was a shield. He was careful not to hold it too tightly, having learned from his lesson. 

He had gone for his usual coffee break and came back to his floor only to find Tony Stark lurking outside the lift waiting for him. Yes, waiting for him specifically, because Steve had tried a casual greeting before walking by, except Tony had held out a hand to stop him. So many of Steve’s coworkers were stealing glances at them, probably wondering what on earth an illustrator was doing chatting with Tony Stark. Maintaining a mild-mannered nobody-important cover was so hard. How did anyone do this?

“I came to see how you’re doing,” Tony said with a smile. 

“Thank you,” Steve replied, a little faintly. It was kind of nice how much Tony clearly cared, even about little nobodys in his company. “I’m really fine though.”

“You know, I think you really are. Your shiner is even completely gone, which I would have sworn based on how it looked yesterday, you would be having one for at least the next few days,” Tony said, sounding so very casual that it was impossible that he was really taking this casually. 

Steve froze, staring at Tony and blinking a couple times. Then he tried an excuse, “I’m wearing make-up to hide it.”

That prompted Tony to lean in closer and Steve had to frantically remind his hand not to squeeze the coffee cup, oh no, please don’t squeeze the coffee cup even though he could now smell Tony’s mild but alluring aftershave. Large dark eyes peered at his face, examining it from up-close. Steve wasn’t actually feeling a breeze from Tony’s eyelashes when he blinked right? Right? He was just being silly. God, why did Tony have to be so pretty _and_ so close to his face. 

Tony pulled back a little and said, “Strange. I could have sworn that you’re not wearing any at all. Not even the lightest foundation. And considering the things I’ve had to hide with make-up, I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert.”

“Uhhhh...it’s really, really good make-up. Top of the line at looking like the person who has it on doesn’t have it on,” Steve said, before cursing himself, because what the hell? What was he even saying? And really good make-up? The billionaire in front of him could probably afford the best of cosmetics, much better than any random illustrator, and Steve was trying to pretend that Tony wouldn’t have heard about a top of the line _invisible_ make-up? Steve gave up. “Well, I better get back to work then, bye, Tony, thanks for checking in.” 

The last few words came out in a rushed jumble as Steve turned around sharply and marched quickly to his desk. He ignored all the stares from his colleagues, but especially the stare he could feel burning into his back from one curious Tony Stark. 

# # #

Well...he really had no explanation this time. 

The entire place was wrecked. What had been Tony’s gorgeous living room was now almost entirely destroyed. The only positive was that the guests had fled Tony’s birthday party so there had been no civilian casualties. The major downside was that Steve was standing there, surrounded by six mostly destroyed robots. One of the robots had been personally piloted by Ivan Vanko, the guy who had attacked S.I.’s lobby and was supposed to be locked up. Steve had found that out after he had accidentally ripped the guy’s helmet off during combat. The other robots were definitely remotely piloted, Steve knew because most of them were missing parts after he had been done with them. 

Steve had been standing there, trying to catch his breath and looking around in alert wariness for anymore attackers when Tony had walked into the room. Steve could only watch forlornly as Tony looked around and took in the damage, took in the downed robots and raised a single eyebrow at Steve, who stood there without a single scratch on him. 

Steve wasn’t even meant to be there, he thought mournfully. He had received an invite from Tony to attend his birthday party, as an apology for getting headbutted on S.I. property from a guy who had a vendetta against Tony. Steve had felt a little flustered when he had found the personal invitation and note on his desk, but Coulson had asked him to go anyway. 

The party had been filled with rich and beautiful people, and Steve hadn’t known a single one of them. Tony hadn’t turned up yet to his own party and Steve was mainly hiding in a corner scarfing down tiny hors d’oeuvres before big robots came crashing through the glass doors and tried to attack the guests. Steve had been forced to jump in and take the robots down quickly to keep the fleeing guests safe. It hadn’t been that hard to use the robots own weaponry on each other as they weren’t very sophisticated compared to Iron Man. 

Tony strolled up to Steve, looking remarkably at home in an open collared, dark tailored suit, walking through the wreckage of his living room and nimbly avoiding the debris of destroyed furniture and damaged robots. 

“I can’t wait to hear your explanation for this,” Tony said with a grin, looking all too amused. “There’s no one else here so I don’t want to hear anything about how someone else did all this. So tell me, Steve, my regular totally normal illustrator, how did you manage to destroy six killer robots?”

Steve opened his mouth, shut it, and then opened his mouth again. He whispered, “I do a lot of zumba?”

Tony blinked, and then blinked again. Then he cracked up, doubling over in laughter. Steve stood there in mortified silence but tried to maintain a stoic facade. Finally, Tony wiped the tears from his eyes and he asked in a wobbly voice, clearly trying not to continue laughing, “The new age dance fitness exercise is why you can take down half a dozen robots?”

Was that what zumba was?? Steve had overheard a few S.H.I.E.L.D. agents talking about taking zumba classes, how difficult they were and how they helped so much for their training in S.H.I.E.L.D.. He thought it was some kind of martial arts! It sounded like one too. 

But it wasn’t like he could change his story at this point. 

“Yes, it helps build up my strength,” Steve said, trying to keep a straight face. 

“Hmm… It’s definitely worked wonders on you,” Tony agreed peaceably, reaching up and patting Steve on the bicep. 

Was Tony flirting with him? That was definitely flirtatious, right? 

Steve could feel his ears burning. “Thank you?” was all he said.

“You’re welcome,” Tony said, voice warm. Then he continued, “Let’s talk some more about your strength later. I think it’s time I talked to your boss instead.”

“Miss Tibbs?” Steve asked, referring to the person he reported to in S.I., a little confused. 

“No, to whoever sent you as the most hilarious undercover agent in S.I.. I’m guessing one of the U.S. agencies with an acronym as a name, probably S.H.I.E.L.D., based on what you can do,” Tony speculated, sounding calm. “Let’s talk it out. What do they want?”

Steve gave up. His cover was completely blown, probably from the very first day, and he had made a right hash of the job. He had told Coulson he wasn’t suitable as an undercover agent, so S.H.I.E.L.D. only had themselves to blame. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. wants to know what’s the cause of your recent unusual behavior,” Steve admitted, feeling calm for the first time since Tony had walked through the door, finally settling down now that he didn’t have to make up bullshit excuses. “And I’m going to guess it’s got something to do with the black lines creeping up your neck.”

He reached up and tugged Tony’s open collar to the side, revealing the unhealthy looking dark web-like pattern crawling up his skin. He was surprised Tony allowed him to do that, even tilting his head to the side a little as if to grant Steve a better look. Boldly, brave in a way that Steve hadn’t been since he had assumed a false identity within S.I., Steve brushed his thumb against the dark lines, feeling Tony’s fluttering pulse. He watched as Tony swallowed, lashes lowering briefly, before dark eyes fixed on him again. For the first time in days, he felt completely fine being _seen._

Tony asked, “Why? They want to swoop in and take Iron Man now that I’m not doing too well? The U.S. government just tried to do that and got shown the door. S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t going to fare any better.”

Steve wondered if Tony would have been so frank if it had been anyone else from S.H.I.E.L.D. in his place, wondered if Nat’s involvement would have been as easily accepted by Tony. He had his doubts. There was something between the two of them that had sparked Tony’s interest from the beginning that, for some reason, allowed Tony to forgive all of Steve’s outlandish lies and obfuscation. 

So Steve decided to be frank in return.

“They think they can help,” Steve said quietly. 

“And what do you think?” Tony asked, almost challenging. 

“I think you won’t know unless you let them try,” Steve pointed out. 

“Very pragmatic,” Tony said with his lips curling up in sincere amusement. “I like it. Alright, call in the black suits.”

It was then that Steve realized he was still standing really close to Tony, a thumb stroking over his neck. 

Coughing awkwardly, Steve stepped back and took out his phone. Tony’s gaze never left his the entire time. 

This time, Steve thought he rather liked it. 

# # #

When all the palladium poisoning had been cleared up, when Vanko and Hammer had been locked away, Steve opened his apartment door to Tony standing on the other side of it. 

Steve blinked in surprise and Tony smiled in response, saying, “Tit for tat, I thought it was my turn to do some undercover work.”

“Undercover work?” Steve echoed, a little confused. 

Tony stepped up close, until they were almost toe-to-toe, placing a hand on Steve’s chest as he tilted his head up. “In your bed, under your covers.”

Steve smiled helplessly at the terrible pun. “That’s awful.”

“Zumba,” Tony reminded. “I will never be able to top _zumba._ ”

Well, Tony had him there. 

Before Steve could be on the receiving end of more teasing, he leaned down and kissed that beautiful smug smile, curling a hand around Tony’s waist as he stepped back into his apartment. Tony followed eagerly, kissing him back with fervor.

# # #

“I knew it! I knew you couldn’t be a normal human! Captain America, oh my god. Captain America tried to tell me his superserum healing and strength is due to _zumba._ ”

Steve didn’t say anything in response. He only rolled Tony over and distracted him in the best way he knew how. He was definitely getting more skilled in this kind of _undercover_ work.

**Author's Note:**

> At first, I was going to write amnesia leading up to identity porn. But the outline got away from me and I knew I couldn’t finish it on time. So I went for something more familiar. 
> 
> I can’t take full credit for this fic. Half of this is inspired by Guardian, a Chinese webseries. While the scenes aren’t the same, those who’ve seen the show will recognise the spirit of the secret identity shenanigans! For those who haven’t seen it but want to watch hilarious secret identity subplot played out between two hot guys who are intensely drawn to each other from the start, you can watch [the English subtitled series on Youtube here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdRj_d7_skE&list=PLvpAVnYN4lb2Gfz6Feq3KA1r5trkUxMU-). Warning: Their plot and CGI are kind of not great due to budget issues. 😅 But it's fun!
> 
> If you liked the story, you can reblog it [here](https://awesomelifechoices.tumblr.com/post/190733893003/fic-given-you-a-number-taken-away-your-name)!


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